• I get nothing done that I wanted.
• Pope dabs - world applauds.
• Prince Philip dies (because of how old he is). A sensible level of mourning quickly spills over into sycophantic jingoism.
• Jordan Peele makes something better than Us (which was good) but still not as good as Get Out (which was really good).
• An enormous alien squid from another dimension lands in Manhattan, killing millions. International diplomatic tensions are forgotten as humanity unites against a perceived common enemy.
• Boris Johnson legalises murder or something.
• Joe Biden wins the democratic nomination but in typical gaffe-prone style accidentally instructs his supporters to vote for Trump.
• John Frusciante quits and rejoins the Red Hot Chili Peppers two or three more times.